‘Fake News’

Operation -os: Alexa’s October Surprise will hand Oprah the White House

October 31, 2020

by Brett Ramseyer – Boxios News Correspondent – brett.ramseyer@boxios.com

Chicago – Like the Mona Lisa, Amazon’s smiling logo hides 115,000 secrets. Deep in the A to Z dimple lurks a blue shadow about to change America.

Down in the data mine of Amazon’s Seattle headquarters, air-conditioners cool a sinister plot percolating under a woman named Alexa’s breath. It started in the minds of billionaires, Jeff Bezos, George and Alexander Soros. “He [Bezos] flipped a blue switch,” said a source close to the Amazon founder, “that will turn Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania Democratic again on Tuesday’s election. There is no way to stop it now.”

Incumbent Trump responded to the revelation yesterday from the Presidential Suite toilet of his lush Mar-a-Lago resort in Palm Beach, Florida, a spot he’s affectionately dubbed “The Shithouse” mostly because he staffs his resort with Haitian, Jamaican and Dominican workers.

In a 5:30 AM Tweet the President posted “I’m gonna win, no question. Ramseyer is Fake News. ‘The Donald’ is Still Makin’ US Great (SMUG 2020!) 4 more years starts Twosday [sic].”

By 5:38 AM the president changed tacks with “Launching investigation into Saggy-eye Soros and Bald Bezos for election meddling – Alexa look up punishment for treason. FBI your [sic] worthless. Sad.”

With the election looming Tuesday no planned campaign stops currently appear on the POTUS schedule other than “Victory Party! November 3, 2020” printed in gold bold letters. The RNC may want to cancel the ballon drop. They are filled with lead.

After six straight years of campaigning the eerie quiet from the Trump camp speaks either an unprecedented calm in the hurricane or an equally unfathomable gobsmacked silence over the scope of the plot this article will reveal that will finally topple this embattled presidency.

A new ‘O’ on the horizon

The 2018 speech at the Golden Globes by now Democratic presidential nominee Oprah Winfrey catapulted the media savvy Winfrey into the 2020 presidential discussion, but it was not until her tiny house give away of July 4, 2019 that Operation -os saw its birth.

At that special Independence Day event that Winfrey hosted in Chicago she brought together a studio audience of struggling Chicago and Milwaukee families who lived out of their cars or couch surfed through their urban neighborhoods.

As she interviewed those families on the live CBS broadcast she painted a sympathetic view of single mothers and fathers raising children in the tough economic climate that the recession now officially entering its 3rd quarter exacerbated. “I’m here to give you all a voice and a face on this national holiday where your circumstances do not afford you a real opportunity toward American independence,” Winfrey said.

She highlighted a recorded segment in the midst of the economic angst on a 34 year old Hispanic builder, named Alejandro Marquez who constructed tiny 200-400 square foot homes with plans to revitalize South Chicago neighborhoods.

“These homes can accommodate a growing family of 4 with a 90% reduction in energy consumption to heat or cool these homes. Not only is it less expensive to construct, but lower bills to maintain. Integrated solar roofing, passive solar design, improved insulation and LED lighting all play a part,” Marquez said.

“Even the high-end model I’ve featured here today,” Winfrey said, “comes at an installed, occupancy permit complete price tag of only $42,000.”

The subsequent applause and hope rising in the eyes of the economically disadvantaged audience surrounding her merely murmured compared to the incredulous roar erupting to her ending of the hour long special when she ran about the stage pointing at each and every struggling family shouting, “And you get a tiny house, and you get a tiny house, and you get a tiny house, and you get a tiny house, and…!”

By the end of July 2019 Winfrey officially announced her candidacy for the Democratic nomination for the presidency of the United States.

In 48 hours her petitioners completed canvassing each state and U.S. territory for the required signatures to put her name on the ballot including Florida that requires more than 100,000 signatures and California which requires nearly 200,000.

“I believe her,” said California and small business owner Camilla Reyes. “She gives me hope that our best days lie ahead of us, not behind.”

Riffing on the iconic sunrise O logo from the Obama campaigns, Winfrey of course added her own touches. She added her ‘New Day’ tagline from her Golden Globe speech and placed a tiny house on the red and white striped knoll in the middle of her campaign logo.

“We need a fresh start,” Reyes said. She was confident the 66 year old television star, Winfrey could bring that freshness over the 74 year old television star, Trump.

But indeed television sparked the idea for Operation -os of one important, economically powerful and digitally connected TV viewer, Jeff Bezos.

-os builds a PC plan

Impressed with Winfrey’s tiny house giveaway Bezos began to contemplate the enormous waste of campaign spending in America. He said as much in a January 2019 interview for his own Washington Post.

“There is no bang in the buck anymore for donors contributing to campaigns. They buy yard signs that neighbors hate and opponents steal. They buy commercials that interrupt a play-off game and just leave viewers angry. They pay porn stars to stay silent. All this in an attempt to sway voters who don’t care that much until the end of October or already made up their mind about a candidate the moment she entered the race,” Bezos said.

What he divulged publicly really started to take shape privately in an August 2019 meeting in one of the countries most inauspicious locations, On the Way Café, Pardeeville, Wisconsin, the birthplace of Philanthropic Campaigning.

The Krueger family run restaurant is truly a slice of wide-spot-in-the-road Americana. From postings for neighborhood lost pets at the counter to the blue and white paper placemats advertising Silver Springs Campsites, Hamm’s ArborCare, Cook’s Carpentry, Stella’s Antiques and Grasse Funeral Service, it is clear that common folk live and die here. The diner stays afloat with intricate community connections, but it never imagined that anything discussed at its worn wrap-around Formica counter would add so significantly to the death of a presidency and weave its way into the American political tapestry.

In this rural Trump stronghold two Democratic elites shared the corner table on a triple digit August afternoon. The sweat on the textured plastic tumblers of ice water made them difficult to hold While Jeff Bezos and George Soros planned to turn this Republican gerrymandered state on its ear.

Here in the frontier of the Midwest the framed posters on the walls praise farmers. Reclaimed barn wood painted with bright letters broadcasts jokes for hunters, anglers, and firearm owners. One must assume all people here, even white-haired old women with a fresh perm from Jan’s Beauty Shop with purses the size of army duffles, are packing heat.

From this quiet café corner Bezos and Soros outlined their plan to place orders among the plethora of Amish builders in the area from Pardeeville to Oshkosh. They did the same in Lancaster County of Pennsylvania, around Shipshewana, Indiana and Riverton, Michigan. Good luck finding places like Riverton on a map, let alone finding them tucked away on the folds of neglected and crumbling American byways.

Here horse and buggy are not just idioms of antiquated thinking they are still main modes of transportation among the cloistered and off the grid Amish that still strive to live uninterrupted, simple, yet difficult lives in the heart of America without WiFi, running water or electricity. “These people can keep a secret,” Bezos said to Soros.

Only a tech giant and richest man in the world Bezos could hatch a plan such as Operation -os. But with a hedge fund manager as a partner they were not about to rely on anti-Trump sentiment on the liberal coasts, urban centers or in the media. They could read the conservative-minded signs on the wall of rural America at the On the Way Café. They knew it would take more.

Doing the math

The 2016 Election cycle in America cost nearly $6.5B for just the presidential and congressional elections alone. “Talk about a waste of American capital,” George Soros said in a September 2018 interview with The Economist. “The lion’s share lines the pockets of media giants who sell air time. Think about that. They sell — air. And what do we get?”

So by the summer of 2019 one of the world’s renowned hedge fund manager’s famous for his 1992 short sale on the British Pound was thinking long term. “Clinton won the popular vote by nearly 3 million votes. Christ, she won Illinois by more than 800,000. We have a president we don’t want because we live too close together,” Soros said.

Gerrymandering also plays a role. Wisconsin especially, but in Michigan and Pennsylvania as well the TEA Party ground swell of the 2010 mid-term elections changed state legislatures red. Following the census, the emboldened GOP redrew very difficult district lines for Democrats to win in historically Democratic states. Now hyper accurate digitized data scientifically builds congressional districts impervious to new candidates.

“We cannot redraw the maps, but we can build new settlements inside them,” Bezos said that August in Pardeeville. “It’s like Settlers of Catan. Build where the resources are with the greatest chance of them paying out.”

“What’s the resource?” Soros said.

“Electoral votes.” Bezos said.

Of the 129 million national votes cast for the presidency in 2016, Michigan’s 16 electoral votes turned for Trump by a scant 12,000 and took weeks to be certain of the outcome. 10 Wisconsin votes hinged on less that 20,000 and Pennsylvania’s 20 electoral ballots on less than 69,000. Yes, 0.07% swung the election.

The race to build in-roads for these two billionaires started in Pardeeville and it began with tiny houses for a tiny fraction of Americans.

Tiny houses built on spec

With little over a year to the November 2020 election Bezos and Soros personally inquired about Amish building contracts from Pennsylvania to Wisconsin. As they grew confident in the capacity of the hundreds of builders they contacted, they started a shell corporation under the name of OS Tech, LLC based in Chicago.

It is the name OS Tech that shows up on contracts and receipts for the construction of the sum total of 60,000 tiny houses ranging from 200-300 square feet each, but these contracts and receipts proved very difficult to track down in these Amish settlements.

Adam Bontrager an Amish builder in Elkhart county Indiana had his contract stabbed on a nail hanging over a bench in his workshop. It simply said “30 kleine Häuser für OST.”

“Ja, we build 3 houses a month and receive $45,000 in cash from the man in Chicago,” Bontrager said. He could not remember the name of the man. “He pays. They take the houses away. Why should I question?”

$15,000 seems to be the most likely average cost of the units that OS Tech contracted across the Midwest due to the unusually high bulk orders. Delivery fees seem uncertain, but may be as low as $300 delivered within a few hundred miles, the wheels then removed.

These initial costs soar to the sum of $918M yet not one scrap of paper or digital accounting exists that OS Tech, LLC sold a single unit.

That is because two of the richest men in the world just gave 115,000 people a house. Welcome to Philanthropic Campaigning. Yes, you get a tiny house.

A lady named Alexa

Amazon’s Alexa always listens and not just for her name. She perks up and lets users know she is around when called, but those seven microphones always learn. They hear things. They know.

When the Orwellian hackles calm on your neck, raise them up again because Alexa knows whose name will be on your ballot come Tuesday. You answered a political poll you did not even know was happening. It is all in the tweaks of an algorithm.

Former Amazon employee Connor Zost went on the record in an NPR all Tech Considered interview in August 2020. “We’ve found with a 87.8% certitude from our own internal studies that we can determine a person’s mood, gender, race, life satisfaction, religion or politics with simple search histories, but we are confident to 99.45% degree of accuracy when we program for the capture of ambient words.” Zost said.

“What do you mean, ‘ambient words’?” Laura Sydell, NPR reporter said.

“I mean conversations you have, what’s playing on the television, whether you curse when you stub your toe on the door at night.”

“It sounds like spying.”

“Amazon calls it knowing you. It’s a good thing,” Zost said. “The next time, Alexa turns a light on for you. No stubbed toe.”

And Alexa knows a Republican. Search for bump stocks, hunting blinds, or Chevy trucks she paints the address red. Mention Bill O’Reilly, killing anything, God fearing, 2nd Amendment, no collusion, pro-life or Mexico paying for it she tallies another for Trump.

She knows Democrats. Say Trump and idiot in the same sentence, upload a picture of avocado toast, mention a micro-brew or goat yoga and it darkens blue. Search NPR, Sara McLachlan, throuple or watch The Hand-Maid’s Tale and the Oprah circle will be unbroken.

Or so the Amazon logic goes and that is how they chose where to settle and who would settle there without ever mentioning a single political ambition.

But who will settle?

The idea that Democratic voters will upend their lives and move to rural America seems absurd until it is not.

Since Alexa is tuned to the tone of voice, who is home on work days, she knows who lost a job or quit. When searching for camping equipment, solar panels and living off the grid she knows life’s dissatisfaction growing. She knows there are no children when no one surfs mommy websites, no one searches baby names or no one two-day ships any toys to the home address.

She puts them in a spreadsheet for Electoral Cultivation. This last summer on the anniversary of Oprah’s Fourth of July tiny house give away Jeff Bezos and George Soros planted the seeds of moving into fertile ground.

They called it: Offer Solace.

Offer something – amazing

To a select group of Amazon users who fit the profile an offer flooded their inboxes and text messages like a deal from a Nigerian prince, except this one was true. The opportunity was limited in number, non-transferable, needed a life commitment, but paid for a ‘New Day on the horizon.’

To this special group of politically engaged, environmentally concerned, married, childless, sick of the city couples Amazon offered a way forward. A brand new tiny house and $5000 per person income for the first month to move to the wilds and woods of Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania.

“Decrease your carbon footprint,” the offer said. “Breathe fresh air. Become active in your new small community.”

“Occupancy, mailing address and voter registration required in the county of your new home. Upon verification $5,000 checks will arrive in the mail at your new address for each registered voter who lives there. *Note – Michigan requires extra driver’s license address verification for voter registration.”

While Winfrey and Trump debated and barnstormed 115,000 new settlers quietly left Chicago, Manhattan, Trenton and Baltimore for Kane and Marienville, for Wolverine and Stanwood, for Tomahawk and Rhinelander.

It is too late to put a single lantern in the old north tower because the liberals came by land in twos to countless conservative backwaters chosen through the precision of AI. Most state laws only require residency 30 days prior to an election and these progressive urbanites moved before October 1.

Their checks delivered last week to the tune of $575M, but all told, the plan two years in the making cost less than $1.5B. Less than 1% of the Bezos and Soros combined fortunes.

Alexander Soros tweeted in March 2020 “The Soros family will no longer support political candidates. We believe in a campaign of philanthropy.”

Tuesday, November 3, 2020 we will all learn what the nation has been given. Those three states guaranteed to turn blue for a billion dollars less than the price of the 2016 presidential campaign. A 92 point swing in the electoral college awaits Trump assuming he can hold Iowa and Florida. Even if he does, he is doomed to lose.

The lasting effects

Long after a janitor sweeps away the last victory confetti, still further into the future than Winfrey’s inauguration a great deal of the new settlers will still reside in formally solid red districts.

An unnamed Amazon source said Bezos believes as many as 86% of the settlers will likely stay more than two years effecting as many as three election cycles. “He considers that an intelligent buy, far more lasting than an ad campaign,” the source said.

State legislatures, governorships and redistricting boards could all start the tilt to the left.

Operation -os which insiders first new as ‘off set’ have made many colorful names: OutSide, Oprah Succeeds, Over Shadow and October Surprise.

If this billionaire coup follows according to plan Republicans may yet have the last word on the meaning of -os — Oh Shit!


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Satire, Short Stories

One Comment

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  1. rhornerisicorcom December 9, 2018 — 9:21 am

    It dawned on me soon after I plugged in the Amazon Dot my son gave me for Christmas that Alexa had to listen in on everything I said just to pick up her name so I could ask her what the temperature was outside or, if I really go into it, maybe turn on the light or the coffeemaker or something else I was too lazy to do, thereby allowing me to increase the ratio of time sitting on my ass to getting up to do something. But the creepiness of her listening in is perfectly brought forward in your paragraph where one of Bezos’s boys says they can determine with 99.45% accuracy your mood, politics, etc.–I love it! And I believe it’s true. If they want to do it and aren’t stopped regulatorilly, they will do it and, I guess, should do it before the competition does. They MUST increase shareholder value, or get sued!


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